Waistline

In two successive weeks I have had what felt like two distinct stomach ailments, both of which I’d call a “stomach flu” with symptoms including sharp stomach cramps, extreme fatigue, body aches, and nausea/vomiting culminating in diarrhea.

This has forced me to pay extreme attention to my waist. How good it feels to let the buckles loose and expand my abdomen, but also how uncanny. My whole life this has been an area of my body I can’t stand. Always too much, too wide, unfeminine, cold, unhealthy. I know now to accept it, but still wish it would thin. I wish it would do what I command of it, for the earned sorrow of the loveless, waiting for you to cup your hand here like we will finally initiate this chapter of the dance.

Paternal grandparents