Polar bare

I want attention from who knows where.

Recognition relevance validation substantiation attraction vindication destiny agency noise pain hope. Because I can. I thought of making another version of the studio practice video on instagram, to appeal to more women, but realized I don’t know what would appeal to them more than the fact that I am also a woman. Or what makes this more particularly interesting to men. Or that women includes non-binary and gender nonconforming people but I don’t want to spell it out. Or that my rhetorical minority is a statistical majority.

It is obtuse to say men in contradistinction to people. I mean it to be. How do I appeal to people? I do not mean that to sound defensive, or else “people” would be the same species of purple people that racists do not care more or less about than Black or White or Yellow people. I am not actually asking any of these questions. I am wondering. There is a difference. What wondering tells me is that I seek attention, which is saying that my search will always be particular because the attention I am sure I do command, is somehow insufficient. What kind of attention I need, I don’t know, which means I want what I do not know I can have, which means I want what I don’t have. The world is falling apart and all I want is to pine. What would be different if I came into my full domination instead of pretending so poorly to be passive.

Dario’s nostrils were perfect circles as he stared at a pile of towels telling us he hadn’t hid the tv remote in his room. Of course we found it under the towels, but what I gathered is that this face is the exact way every single person looks when they lie to themselves. People includes children and adults. Each second that passes between being asked to tell a lie and telling the lie, is the day ending, a year passed, the sun hiding for winter below the polarity of diurnal time, the door closed, then locked.